Tired Of Waiting For The Married Man You’re Dating?Tired Of Being Just The Other Woman?
“Why would any intelligent mature divorced woman be dating a married man?” Julia asked.
She was talking about her best friend. She was shocked that her smart, beautiful, and successful friend had allowed herself to be taken in by this guy.
Julia was my client.
I was coaching her on dating after her divorce and finding Mr. Right.
It was during one of our sessions that Julia shared with me how upset she was over her friend spending time and energy having an affair with this married man.
Do Not Judge These Women That Are Dating Married Men Too Harshly
I told Julia do not judge your friend so harshly.
I told her not be so bold in her declaration of saying she would never, ever date a married man.
She looked at me like I just lost my mind and said, are you telling me you are in favor of a woman dating a married man?
“How could you condone such a no win situation”, Julia asked.
“Of course I’m not in favor of a woman having an affair with a married man.”
“No one wins in an affair.”
“And at the end when it usually all falls apart, it can feel just as emotional upsetting as going through a really ugly divorce”, I told her.It Starts With A Lie To His Wife
Does A Relationship That Starts Out With A Lie, Have A Chance?
Even if the guy leaves his wife to be with the woman he’s been having the affair with, the relationship starts out on the wrong foot.
In other words, a lie was what brought these two people together and infidelity is likely strike again and end their relationship.
If a man or a woman has cheated once it is very likely they will cheat again.
No one could ever make a case that being unfaithful and lying about it is a virtue.
Why Do Women Date And Have Affairs With Married Men?
Basically, I told Julia all that we can do is explore why your friend or any other women including you Julia would knowingly date a married man.
Now sometimes, affairs start out as a friendship.
Just because a guy is married doesn’t eliminate him from having friends does it?
So in the beginning this friendship between the married man and the woman looks just like any normal friendship between two people.
Or does it?
The reality is as a woman, getting into a friendship with a married man, is an ‘train wreak’ waiting to happen.
This is a very common way that affairs innocently begin and stay fueled.
For some divorced women dating a married man it feels safe and predictable.
It is safe and protected from the typical complications resulting from dating a mature eligible guy.
As things progress in a monogamous relationship with an available man, the divorced woman is often faced with how and when to take the relationship to the next level.
If the relationship continues to grow it will come to a point of making a decision about living together now, or wait to get married.
Not an easy decision for a divorced woman past forty.
Why?You Don’t Want To Make Another Mistake
You Do Not Want To Make Another Mistake With The Wrong Man
Because, a divorced woman over 40 does not want to make another mistake by hooking up with the wrong guy.
But when a divorced woman is dating a married man that decision will never be an issue.
Not as long as he is married and living with his wife.
So it is easy to see that in a twisted way the married man feels like comfortable territory for a divorced woman to play it safe.
Another example is the divorced woman that has had her fill of dating guys that play the field and will never commit to one relationship.
Solve that problem by dating a married man.
It’s Easy: He’s All Yours When He’s Not With His Wife
So now you have a guy totally committed to you when is not with his wife.
And since he is having martial problems, at least that is what he tells you, his wife is not your competition.
He doesn’t want to be with her and as soon as he gets his ducks lined he will leave her and be with you.
And if you believe that…..
And let’s not forget the thrill of the moment when dating a married man.
Picture yourself in this situation, this is what I call the adrenalin rush of romance and a taste of the ‘forbidden fruit’.
There is the intrigue and thrill of meeting in out of the way places to spend the limited time together before he needs to leave.
That in itself is a rush.
The thermostat is turned way up on the romance scale and that creates the adrenalin rush.
The rendezvous always end with the emotional pain of parting.You Wait Patiently. Hoping.
You Buy ‘His Story’ And Start Patiently Waiting For Him
So just like in the romance novels your lover says, “We must stay strong for each other until we can meet again”.
And this is when your married guy say’s he has never met anyone like you before and you make him feel like no other woman has made him feel before.
He tells you all his woes about his awful marriage and you console him.
He tells you much he adores his children and does not want to hurt them which is why he must stay just a bit longer in this terrible marriage and your heart breaks for him.
You Can’t Get Him Out Of ‘Your Mind’
And now you’re addicted to this guy.
You are addicted to the drama and trauma, and to the rush you feel every time you are able to have another rendezvous.
You won’t be able to wash this guy out of your hair or your system.
You will need to go to rehab but you’ll say NO, NO, NO just like Amy Winehouse song.
So the question is not why would intelligent, beautiful, successful divorced woman date married men rather, what would make a woman vulnerable and willingly to date a married man?
The answer is simple.You Grow Tired Of Being Second Place
You Start To Get Frustrated And Are Tired Of Waiting For Him
When a divorced woman does not get crystal clear on what she wants in her next relationship and how she is going to find her Mr. Right she is vulnerable.
She is lonely, frustrated and hungry for attention and Mr. Married shows up to fix her emotional void.
At least for the short term.
Is there a price to pay for this fix?
A big price that makes your divorce experience feel like you hit the easy button.
Take charge of your own destiny by doing the work and spending the time to become crystal clear about finding the one.
That will keep you dating great eligible guys until ‘The One’ stands heads above all the others.
At this point, many single women that are with married men start to seek solutions to their current dilemma.
“Should I stay with him?”
“Can I get him to leave his wife?”
“I have such emotional pain, how can I deal with it?”
You search for advice on dating a married man and having a positive out come.
The sad truth is that in most cases you move on or he moves on and therefor ending the relationship that would go no further.He Says, ‘I Love You’, But Nothing Changes
Move On With ‘Prosperity Dating’
I call it Prosperity Dating, you believe that you deserve the whole man, not half and YOU shouldn’t have to share him with another woman.
Prosperity Dating, also means that you believe that there an abundance of quality marriage minded men.
Prosperity dating puts into play a successful, flourishing and thriving condition to find Mr. Right once and for all.
Tell me what you think.
Are you or someone you know ‘stuck in neutral’ because you are involved with a man that is married?
Drop me a comment below.
P.S. At this point, you have two options:
1. Stay the course and hope that things will change and get better.
Dr. Phil likes to say, “Past behavior is the best predictor of future behavior.” And I agree. If he has not taken specific concrete steps to make YOU the ONLY intimate female relationship in his life, it probably is not going to happen.
2. You can make a proactive change in your life.
- My Story Of Divorce, Dating Again And Finding Mr. Right
- How To Make A Man Commit To You: There is Only One Way
- Make A Man Commit To You – 5 Qualities That Men Look For In A Partner
- Women Dating after Divorce – Easy Ways to Attract Good Men
- Dating After Divorce: From Confusion to Clarity to Meeting Mr. Right