Is age just a number? That is what some people say. But for women over 40 dating after divorce their age can cause them to feel like game over when it comes to dating.
It can feel terrifying to even think about meeting men, especially for a woman who was married for 15 or 20 years and is now divorced. She has entered an uncharted territory that leaves her feeling lost and confused.
She is scared that she is destined to live the rest of her life alone.
Well, I’m not going to tell you it is easy to get back in the saddle again because it is not easy. However, what things in life that are worthwhile are easy? Surely finding a fulfilling relationship is worthy of your time and effort.
Given the statistics things could look bleak. The U.S. Census (2008) showed there are 30 million single women and only 20 million single men over 40.
Okay, so now that you know the reality of what you’re up against you have some choices to make. You could decide it’s hopeless to even try to find love again. On the other hand, you can shift your thinking to see this problem from a different point of view.
I recommend you make the decision to see the cup half full instead of half empty. So the odds don’t appear to be in your favor but in real life people beat the odds all the time. Every time someone wins the lottery, they beat the odds.
How do I beat the odds and find love again? Is that your question? Well, I’m going to tell you exactly what to do that will put you on the right track. I know it works because this is what I did when I found myself divorced and in my 40′s.
Dating Tip # 1: Take a critical look at YOURSELF
Take a critical look at your wardrobe your hairstyle, your make-up and your body. Be brutally honest with this self evaluation.
Next put a plan of action into place. Join a gym to get in shape. Get a new look with hair and makeup.
Update your wardrobe. Don’t forget to buy some sexy lingerie, that will make you feel amazing and will also be your secret weapon.
After a divorce, it is extremely important to re-invent yourself with an image of the new you. Out with the old in with the new!
Dating Tip # 2: Get Clear About Your ‘Why’
Get very clear about why you want to be in relationship. Ask yourself the hard questions like:
Are you feeling lonely and you want someone to make you feel less alone?
Do you hate to go on vacations alone and want a partner to travel with?
Do you feel like a misfit at social events where everyone else is with a partner?
Are you frustrated when something breaks in your home, and you want a partner, so he can take care of the problem?
Now, if you answered yes to any of the above questions than you need to dig deeper to get to the root of the reason you want to be in a relationship. These are superficial reasons for wanting a partner.
Dating Tip # 3: List Your Relationship Deal Breakers
Make a list of your deal breakers regarding a relationship. A deal breaker is what you know without out a doubt you could not live with in a relationship. An example may be if someone is a smoker you could not live with that. That would be a deal breaker for you.
The key here are your deal breakers must be 5 or less. If you come up with a bigger list keep working with this concept so that you get down to the very bottom line on both of these issues.
If you take the time to rediscover and reinvent yourself after divorce you will get very clear about how to move forward in your new life. This includes getting an insight into the kind of relationship that would be fulfilling as you move forward to your future.
Don’t leave you love life to chance. So women over 40 dating after divorce have to be an active participants in directing your life towards the relationships you value and want. It is as simple as that.
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Hugs,
Suzy Weiss
P.S. Are you sick and tired of meeting liars and losers form Online Dating Websites?
There is another option, take a look at this.
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- Should Older Women Date Younger Men?
- Dating Advice For Women After Divorce
- Dating Tips For Women From Men – Listen Up Ladies!
{ 6 comments… read them below or add one }
Great tips, Suzy, as always.
I’d suggest that #2 – Get Clear About Your ‘Why’ – is applicable certainly to women over 40 but also to everyone else, regardless of age, out there in the dating pool.
Unless you’ve got your head screwed on right and know exactly why it is your seeking a new relationship so actively (and this is especially true with women and men over 40,) then you run the risk of ‘settling’ with someone who may not be a suitable match for you, simply to appease those aforementioned needs.
Seeking clarity before seeking a partner is a must, I believe, at any stage of your life
Matt.
You know Matt, I think the reason that most men and women don’t get clear about ‘the why’ do you want a relationship is because it’s hard to do. That’s why I developed my program Dating After Divorce, I’m Ready Now What? It takes a woman through a comprehensive step by step process of getting clear on her ‘why’…Of course it also covers all aspects of not only getting clear on who your ‘ideal partner’ would be, but also how and were to meet him. Unfortunately, a lot of women believe if it’s ‘meant to be’ then he’ll show up. The problem with that strategy is when someone shows up, how will you know he’s the one? Often times he’s not, but you don’t know that and end up figuring it out too late.
One thought Suzy- lingerie is great but women past 40 tend to get pretty down on themselves. I think in addition to the lingerie/gy some serious pampering is in order.
Some women over 40 just need an attitude adjustment. Beautiful lingerie, as well as a lot of pampering, can be just the ticket to change a woman’s perspective from negative to positive about herself.
You’re spot on with joining the gym! Well done!
Alex,
The Gym is just one of many options available to improve oneself and to possibly meet some health oriented guys in the process.
Tell me what one thing can you do in the next 2 weeks than can help you feel better about yourself?
Don’t put it off, get started today.
You’ll be glad you did.
Suzy