Women You Can Marry Later In Life!

Book Review: Love for Grown-Ups:
The Garter Brides’ Guide to Marrying for Life When You’ve Already Got a Life.

According to the 2010 U.S census there are more than 28 million single or divorced women over 35 years old in the U.S. But if you are a single, mature woman how do you meet Mr. Right?

Learn how a small, but adventurous group of women over 35 found lasting love.

It’s all here in ‘Love for Grown-Ups.’
The authors Ann Blumenthal Jacobs, Patricia Ryan Lampl, and Tish Rabe call themselves “The Garter Brides.”

The Garter Brides Story

The first bride was Nina who said “at my age you wear a garter, but you don’t throw it”

So she gave it to Ann who wore it at her wedding six months later and Ann gave it to Pat who wore it at her wedding six months after Ann’s wedding.

Thus they named themselves the Garter Brides.

But the garter story doesn’t end there. To date, this garter has been worn by brides all over the world who are over 35 and are now also Garter Brides in good standing.

The Garter Brides say: “We wrote this book just for you.”

“If you’re single and wondering whether you’ll ever find someone to love, if you’re dating a special guy and not sure whether you should take your relationship to the next level or if you’re on the fence about going after grown-up love with all the hope and passion in your heart, the Garter Brides say, A thousand times yes! We know because did it-and we’re on a mission to show other women how.”

Before writing this book the authors actually spent two years interviewing women all over the country who married later in life. Because of this extensive research the book is chock full of field tested advice. Everything from: how to meet the right man, to joining lives and dealing with kids and family.

Some of the women interviewed in the book were never married, and some were divorced or widowed.  But they all shared the common thread of marrying a little later in life. They each share their stories which I found inspiring, touching and even hysterically funny. And they also offer some excellent advice based on their real life experiences.

I personally liked the section in the book about dating. Especially the insightful ideas about all the things you need to do to meet more men. In addition to that, it was clearly explained why meeting a lot of men is so important on the journey to finding your Mr. Right.

The other thing they included in the book is how important it is to be flexible and open minded when dating. The idea being that dating after 35 is completely

Authors: Ann, Tish and Patricia

different from when you dated in your 20′s and that flexibility comes with maturity and life’s lessons along the way.

I thought they gave sound advice about what to talk about and what not to talk about on first dates. They even cover first date jitters and how to deal with that. Plus the good, the bad and the ugly on blind dates.

The dating section of the book is quite extensive with lots of stories of how the women they interviewed met their husbands.  They give very specific steps about how to take your romance to the next level. It can be tricky when you both have your own busy life and commitments to blend your individual lives together.

They answer the question as to when should you introduce him to your children and family and when you should meet his family. They even advise how to do this most effectively and keep it comfortable, instead of awkward.

The book gives a ton of insights regarding the scenarios that can and will happen when you combine households and have to deal with ‘my stuff and your stuff.’ Plus they detail out how to handle these issues so it ends up being a win/win situation.

Love for Grown-Ups even offers advice about how to deal with a difficult ex… yours or his. Some excellent guidance is offered about interacting with exes in certain situations. Like…going to graduations or the kids weddings where the ex will be attending the same events.

I think of this book as the ‘ultimate guide’ for finding love over 35. It literally answers any question a woman could possibly have about finding love a little later in life.

The garter brides cover everything from A to Z. including prenuptial agreements in addition to what to wear at your wedding and everything in between.

It not only gives solid practical advice, but it does it in a fun and entertaining style.

The most important message that I believe comes through this book is:

Never Give Up On Love.

All through the book I found it to be heartfelt, honest and informative for women marrying later in life.

At the end of the book the authors write:

“We believe every woman deserves a man in her life who will say, as Tish’s husband did when she asked him what his favorite place to be was—I’m happy wherever you are… We want that happiness for you, too!”

Congratulations Garter Brides on a job well done! It’s been my pleasure to review your book.

Suzy Weiss
Dating Secrets For Divorced Women.com
Dating Coach For Mature Women

Learn How To Use Law Of Attraction To Meet Him

I love talking with you about how to find love when dating over 40 because I know how important a loving relationship is for most of us women.

And how does that saying go?

There’s more than one way to get from point ‘A’ to point ‘B’

So, today let’s focus on the law of attraction to find your Mr. Right.

I want to be totally transparent and tell you I do believe in attracting love. But the problem is that most people really don’t understand how to do this.

So that is what you are going to learn about today. It’s powerful when you use it in the exact right way.

I want to begin with a simple demonstration that I know you’ll relate to.

You know when you decide it’s time to buy a new car and you start seriously thinking about the exact model and make you want…

All of a sudden you start noticing that exact car everywhere you drive?

I remember a few years back I decided I wanted a 2009 Mazda MX-5 Miata Car. It seemed like everywhere I drove I would see Miata’s.

Home Grown Pineapple, Yum!

Now the question is:

Did I attract all those Miata’s?

Or were they always on the road…but I just didn’t notice them?

The answer is…Yes and Yes.

I did attract them and Miata’s were always on the road.

So is attracting a quality man into your life any different than attracting my Miata into my life?

Not really!

But here is the key to understanding how the law of attraction really works.

You must first tap into the emotion plus envision every detail of what it is that you want to attract into your life.

So, when you want to attract a quality man…

You need to start by getting into the emotion of how you would feel with this amazing guy in your life.

Mi Cocina, Es Su Cocina (Kitchen)

You know that emotion of infatuation you had when you met your first true love?

The emotion of infatuation feels like you’re ‘high’ on love. It’s the surge of hormones that create that feeling of being ecstatically happy.

These are the emotions within yourself that you want to get in touch with.

As an example…

Visualize the details of being with your soulmate.

You could be walking on the beach, having candle light dinners, dancing to romantic music and traveling together to exotic destinations.

These were my visualizations before I met my soulmate.

Yours may be different, but you get the idea…right?

I gotta be honest… this takes some practice.

It’s like a meditation.

Just sit quietly and feel those emotions in your body and envision being with your ideal mate.

Livin 'Large' In The Living Room

After you do this a few times… you’ll start to look forward to these visualizations.

Do this for at least10 minutes every day so you will stay focused on those ‘good’ feelings.

Actually, a great side effect is everything in your life will start to improve as you continue to increase these hormones that make you feel positive.

The other thing that will help you is a vision board.

Use magazines to cut out pictures of all the things you would want to do with your ideal partner.

It could be the house you would share, entertaining together, cooking or playing golf together… make it everything you want your life to be with this man.

Put these pictures on a cork board or some people like to use a mirror so your visions reflect back to you. You can get as creative as you want to display your visions.

Put your vision board in a place where you will see it every day as another reminder of what you will soon be attracting into your life.

Now here is the MOST important thing you must do to use the law of attraction effectively…

Start to pay close attention to your thoughts.

You Can 'Create' A Life That Works For You

That means get conscious about what you think about every day.

This takes practice but if you make it a priority you can do it and soon it will become a part of your consciousness.

I think you’ll be surprised by all the negative thoughts that are running around in your head.

Everyone has these negative thoughts but most people are not conscious of them and
don’t realize they are the roadblocks to getting what we really desire in life.

But once you become conscious of these thoughts …you will have the power to shift them to thoughts that will help you get exactly what you desire to have in your life.

This exercise is powerful and is the key to the attraction process of finding true love.

What you’ll discover will be the key to attracting love… your thoughts are probably focused on NOT having a quality man in your life.

You are most likely focused on all the jerks you’ve met and telling yourself that all the good men must be taken.

Or men your age are more interested in younger women.

Maybe you tell yourself that you’re too old, too fat or too whatever and that’s why you can’t meet a good guy.

Or fill in the blank of whatever it is you tell yourself about not meeting quality men.

Here is what has to change

For the law of attraction to work you need to shift your thoughts to what you want in your life… not to what you don’t want.

Here’s a great metaphor to help you remember what you’re focused on.

A friend of mine loves motorcycles and teaches motorcycle safety. He also conducts personal development workshops and he used this metaphor in a workshop I attended.

He said that when you are driving a motorcycle and see a large rock in the middle of the road just ahead of you… there is the tendency to focus on the rock.

Flower Laden Balcony Off My 'Office'

But if you focus on the rock you will inevitably hit it, you won’t be able to avoid the accident from happening as long as you keep your focus on the rock.

He teaches that a motorcycle driver must train his mind to focus on where he wants to go… not where he doesn’t want to end up… hitting the rock.

I love this image and use it a lot when I notice my mind is focused on what I don’t want, rather than on what I do want.

So when you find your focus is on not having a loving relationship in your life…

Immediately shift your focus to what it would feel like right now to have the relationship you want in your life and stay focused on those feeling.

Here’s what’s amazing…

The law of attraction absolutely works when you understand how to use it.

I should know…

Because this was how I met my ideal partner!

Mi Casa In Mexico!

And my life today is even more than I could have ever imagined.

Once I shifted my thinking to focus on my ideal partner and really got into the emotions and details of what I wanted… he showed up.

So today I write this article from my magical home on the largest lake in Mexico that I share with my awesome husband…who has taught me how to enjoy life’s adventures.

Check out our home here in Mexico!

So I leave you with an important question.

Are you focused on the quality man you want in your life or are you focused on the lack of a good man in your life?

Love to hear you answer in the comments below.

Suzy Weiss
Mature Women’s Dating Coach

Move Beyond Your Fear

As woman over 40 do you think it takes courage to date?

We always hear that it takes courage for a man to date because of the fear of rejection.

From asking a woman for a date, attempting a first kiss, or getting her phone number…

It’s the guy that’s risking the painful possibility of rejection.

In fact, this problem of dating anxiety was recently addressed by researchers Daniel B. Chorney and Tracy L. Morris at the West Virginia University with their ground breaking study entitled:”The Changing Face of Dating Anxiety”.

But… as a divorced woman do you experience dating anxiety and think courage is needed to enter the dating game?

How about we talk amongst ourselves and dig into this idea a little deeper? It may shed some light on why you’re struggling with meeting good men.

What most women dating after 40 tell me is they feel afraid and anxious that they will be overlooked by men their age.

The men their age seem to be more interested in younger women. I definitely remember feeling that way after my divorce.

I also remember feeling anxious that if I did meet a nice guy… would I have what it takes to get him interested.

After all I wasn’t in my 20′s anymore…instead I was a single mom over 40.

I felt vulnerable and did not want to experience being rejected by a man because I was not as attractive as a woman in her 20′s or 30′s.

Now a lot of these anxious feelings around dating were not always on a conscious level but they still were issues that were interfering in meeting and interacting with good men.

Jackie, a woman I was coaching, most recently described it this way:

“I feel like I have been thrown out there in this so called dating scene and I have no idea how to interact with men in my new role as a single woman. I find it terrifying.”

Like I told Jackie, it’s not your fault.

Think about it…coming out of a divorce does not instill the confidence that you can still attract a man… and in some ways you don’t even want to risk finding out.

Marcy, a client of mine who came to me for help shortly after a very difficult divorce said:

“If I really put myself out there to meet men but then discover I can’t compete with the other women and am faced with the fact there is no second time around for me…Well how do I handle that?

It leaves me hopeless having to face the rest of my life alone.”

Well Jackie and Marcy are not alone in their concerns. A lot of women re-entering the world of dating feel a certain amount of dating anxiety.

The key is recognizing that deep down this is how you honestly feel.

Take a minute to quiet you mind long enough to get in touch with how you honestly feel about dating at this point in your life.

If you can be honest with yourself, you’ll probably discover you share some of the same feelings as Jackie and Marcy as well as a bunch of other women just like you.

And this is where the word courage comes into play.

Courage basically means:

‘To take action and be courageous even in the face of fear.’

So to answer the question, “Does it take courage for a woman over 40 to date?”

The answer is… a resounding YES!

There is also another situation that happens to some women dating after divorce that has to do with courage.

Soon after their divorce some women sign up on online dating sites expecting great results.

One of two things happens:

1. They get very few responses and they never get to the point of meeting a guy in person.

2 Initially they meet a lot of men only to discover that they are married or just
looking for sex or are basically losers.

After that experience they lose their courage to keep moving forward to meet men in all the different ways available offline as well as online.

To find out if your lack of courage is stopping you from meeting quality men…Answer the 3 simple questions below.

Do You Believe?

All the good men are taken: Yes or No?

I need a man to make me happy: Yes or No?

Men my age are afraid of commitment: Yes or No?

So, if you answered ‘YES’ to even one of the questions you’re probably lacking some courage.

If you answered ‘NO’…you may see that there is opportunity, but just don’t know how to make it happen.

I hope you understand I’m not trying to convince you of anything in this blog about ‘courage’.

I just want to help you get inside your own head …and be brave enough to face your fear straight on.

If I had not gone through this myself, or if I had not worked with all kinds of women who share this fear, I may not believe it myself.

But today, without any hesitation, I can tell you this is the crux of what is keeping you from meeting quality men.

And until you really deal with this issue of courage and begin to move beyond the underlying fear…you’ll remain stuck.

You will become the woman that gets so worn out and tired of trying every online dating site to meet men, of trying all the flirting techniques or the meet ups for singles etc…

That you will just give up.

The motivation that you had to meet a good man when you started out as a single woman over 40 will disappear. That’s right, the motivation will just vanish.

And you will become the woman who settles.

Now I want to be clear… I don’t mean a woman who ‘settles for the wrong man’.

But rather you will be a woman that settles for living the rest of your life alone.

Sadly, there are a lot of you out there that are getting close to settling, or have already settled for not having a loving man in your life.

And the strange thing is:

That once you’ve settled… and that is your mindset…

You will not even recognize’ Mr. Right’ should he cross your path.

However, if you have a tiny spark of motivation left in you …

And can get in touch with even a little bit of courage that lies deep within you…

Then you have the opportunity to move from where you are at this very moment… to meeting and finding your Mr. Right.

It all begins with you.

Shifting your attitude from feeling fearful and stuck…

To finding the courage to face your fears…but not give into them.

So I’ll leave you with just one question.

What is your motivation on a scale of 1-10 (ten being high) to meet your ideal mate?

Hugs
Suzy Weiss

Dating Coach For Women

Mr Right Doesn't Come With A Name Badge

According to researchers at Princeton University, “48 percent of American marriages, at current rates, would be expected to end in divorce within twenty years”.

It’s perplexing that half of all marriages today end in divorce.

It saddens me because this would not happen if men and women really understood who would be their ideal mate.

And it really concerns me… because after a divorce it gets even more confusing in terms of who would be your best partner.

Unfortunately, coming out of a bad relationship sets the stage for moving even further away from the truth… the truth of who would be best suited to you in a long term relationship.

I get emails all the time from single women over 40 asking for help.

They say they are confused and frustrated and dread the idea of spending the rest of their life alone.

Many of the women tell me that most men they meet are not trustworthy.

Commonly, I hear from women that they have given up on meeting decent men online and don’t want to go to bars…

So they feel stuck.

Do you relate to any of this?

Do you wonder why you can’t meet quality men?

Sandra, who is a coaching client of mine is 47 and has been divorced for 3 years.

Her frustration is:

Some of the men she meets at first seem like a potential Mr. Right…
But then at the end of the day they are just a big disappointment.

Sound familiar?

You know, I have talked about this problem many times before…

But it is a growing problem that needs to be understood in order to enjoy the positive benefits of being in a caring relationship.

So let’s get to the heart of this perplexing issue.

When you describe the kind of man that you would like to meet…

Are you thinking about his physical attributes? Is your concern based around his values and financial status? …And that his interests would be compatible with yours?

Of course, you would want him to be available, trustworthy and open to a long term relationship.

These are the basics, right?

But there is the hidden part that you may not be aware of:

That unseen part is having the insight of who would really be best suited to you.

As surprising as this may sound the reality is:

You, are blindsided when it comes to understanding what you really need in a man. It’s not your fault, it’s a common problem for women everywhere…

And it speaks to why so many relationships fail the again the second time around.

Whether your marriage ended because of infidelity, abuse or any of the other reasons for breakup…the tendency is to use these reasons as a guideline to who you would NOT want to be with.

This thinking sets you up for failure. Invariably you’ll choose Mr. Wrong because you don’t have a clue as to who is best suited to be your ideal partner.

The outside packaging of a guy could lure you into thinking he is partner material. This outside packaging is what I call the superficial characteristics of a man.

I’m not totally discounting these external characteristics of a guy, but they really have nothing to do with finding your ideal mate.

Your ideal mate is a man that honestly wants to make you happy.

A man that helps you become a better version of yourself. A man that makes you feel authentically loved and adored and cared for.

Your ideal mate is a man that is all about supporting your dreams and aspirations.

A man who you can share your deepest fears with, and get empathy and understanding from him. A man you can count on to face life’s challenges together, side by side.

Here’s the thing…

This is not a fairytale. Your ideal mate does exist, but you walk right past him on your way to meeting Mr. Jerk.

I know this first hand because that is what happened to me and the women I coach.

When we don’t really understand what kind of man will be our best partner we walk everywhere but toward him.

It’s not like one ideal mate fits all. We each need to unearth who would best fulfill our particular needs and desires.

What I need and you need are not even close to being the same when it comes to our particular version of Mr. Right.

Here is a true story that will shine a bright light on what we are talking about today.

My best friend Janet had never been married and was 45 years old when she met her perfect mate.

Through her years as a single woman dating she had the superficial list for her Mr. Right.

Understand, Janet is a smart entrepreneur who is very successful in her business, extremely attractive and a generous and caring woman. She was clear that she didn’t have to settle.

So it seemed exactly right that she would be looking for a smart MBA type guy, who she could have stimulating conversations with and who was driven to be the best he could be.

She met a lot of these men, no problem there. But for one reason or another, these relationships never ended up at the altar.

As she hit her 40′s a lot of these guys were now married and starting families. The dating pool kind of dried up for her.

She stayed really busy with her business and spent time with good friends and just went with the flow in terms of not dating very much anymore.

At 44 she decided to take a year sabbatical. She was burned out from her work and just needed some time to get out of the rat race.

She adopted a dog and devoted lots of time to her new companion. She heard about a training program for dogs that would train them to visit patients in nursing homes.

She enrolled Daisy into the program.

While waiting for Daisy one day at the training center, she met Jack whose dog was in the same program.

Now Jack did not possess any of her requirements for her ideal mate. In fact he was the exact opposite in all aspects, of the guys she had dated and would want to marry.

But what he had that the others didn’t have, was that ability to make Janet want to be the best version of herself that she could be.

He loved her unconditionally and fully supported her in her dreams and aspirations.

He was always thinking about what he could do to make her day better.

She felt secure that she could depend on him to be there in the good times and the not so good times.

She felt safe and content and cared for with him. And all she had to do was be herself. Jack loved her for exactly who she was, both on the inside and the outside.

He, without a doubt, is her true ideal mate. And, as they celebrate their 5th anniversary their marriage just gets better and better like a ‘good wine’

Janet always laughs about all the years she spent looking for the ‘wrong’ Mr. Right and is so grateful to have finally found the man that she can joyfully spend the rest of her life with.

Oh, here’s the funny part. Daisy, Janet’s dog, was unable to pass the training to qualify to visit the nursing homes.

But what she did qualify for… was bringing her mom and her new dad together.

I love this story because Janet is my best friend and I love that she’s so happy.

And I also adore telling this story because it’s true and it perfectly demonstrates the answer to understanding who is your Mr. Right.

So, back to the title of this blog…

‘What are the chances of you finding Mr. Right‘?

There are two answers to this question.

If you keep doing what you’re doing to meet Mr. Right… you chances are dismal.

You will either meet Mr. Wrong thinking he’s Mr. Right or…

You will end up spending the rest of your life alone.

On the other hand, you have a very good chance of finding true love if…

You do the work and make the changes in yourself that are necessary to get the results that you desire.

If you want to stop walking past Mr. Right on your way to Mr. Wrong consider my video training program that takes you step by step in just 12 weeks to meeting your ideal mate.

It worked for me and thousands of women who have joined me in this training, so why wouldn’t work for you?

==>>> Go here for the details.

Suzy Weiss
Dating Coach For Women Over 40

http://offer.datingsecretsfordivorcedwomen.com/laser-phone-coaching

It's Over (The Marriage)

How Do You Know When Your Marriage Is Over?

We have all had those moments in our lives when we just knew something was about to change.

You know what I’m talking about?

Those moments in time… you never forget.

They are the moments that are charged with a certain emotion and at the same time you feel totally present to the situation.

It’s in those moments everything becomes crystal clear. You see things for what they are, the truth of the situation… so to speak.

They are the exact moments when you shift from here to there. It’s the weirdest experience yet we’ve all had them at certain points in our lives.

Like the exact moment you knew your marriage was over.

When Is A Marriage Over?

The moment I knew my marriage was over was…

“When all I could see was his mouth moving in anger, but I heard nothing, I could no longer listen to his emotional abuse.”

That was the moment I knew it was over.

What was that moment for you…

When did you know your marriage was over?

Leave a comment below or go to my Facebook and Join the Conversation.

Suzy Weiss
Dating Coach For Women

What Is Really Going On In The Mind Of A Man?

So many women that I speak with feel confused when it comes to understanding what men really want in a relationship with a woman.

Many of the women looking for relationships these days, have trouble understanding why a man won’t commit even after he’s been in relationship with you for quite some time.

So, I started thinking… what better way to clear things up than share an email from a real woman on this very topic.

And also share my advice with you on how to deal with this situation without getting hurt or playing games.

Also you will learn what you can do right now to increase your odds of choosing the right man and being in a committed relationship.

The other night, I happened to be at a business function for women entrepreneurs.

I ended up sitting with a group of smart, interesting attractive women.

As we began to get to know each other it came into the conversation that I was a dating coach for women over 40.

Ironically many of these women happened to be single and in their 40′s to 50′s.

Well, as you can imagine the conversation immediately went to talking about all the challenges of meeting quality men after 40.

We covered a lot of ground about re-entering the dating world and all the challenges.

However, the biggest issue for most of these women was ‘how to get a man to commit’.

Several of the women shared stories about relationships they had in the past with some great guys.

But the relationships would finally end based on the fact the guy would not commit or him choosing another woman to date.

Cynthia, who was 41, was one of the single women at the table.

She shared that she believed you have to be up front from the get go.

Let him know early on that you are looking for a committed relationship was her recommendation.

I agreed with Cynthia that could be one way you could handle it.

Except the problem is men don’t respond well to that approach.

In fact, most men will look for the nearest exit upon hearing you want to be in a committed relationship.

I shared that the first step in dealing with this commitment issue, is to understand how men think and what they really want.

When you’re armed with that kind of understanding, then you can act and behave in ways that men will be responsive to.

Now, Cynthia wasn’t going for this idea. She said:

“There is no way I’m going to play games or change anything about me for any man.”

Oops…

I told Cynthia that I had far too much respect for smart, strong women to suggest that they should lower themselves to use manipulation tactics or other demeaning behaviors, all for the sake of ‘catching and keeping’ a guy.

But the reality is, men and women are very different than women.

To deny that fact would be like ignoring gravity and trying to fly.

It is what it is.

The majority of men out there in the world are afraid of commitment.

Granted in varying degrees, but no matter how you slice it you have to deal with it.

So as a woman, you need to use your ‘know how’ to help a man, help himself, to push through the fear to other side.

This is what allows him to move beyond the fear of commitment.

And it’s from that point forward he realizes how fortunate he is to have you in his life and is much more open to sharing a committed relationship with you.

If you were practice the principles in my video training program, Dating After Divorce you’ll realize the wisdom in keeping your emotions in check and having patience and self-control.

The result being the man you’re interested in will move toward you, instead of away from you.

It’s simply being a savvy woman who understands how men think and what they need to feel safe in order to be in a committed relationship.

Oh yes, before I forget!

Cynthia decided to try out my video training program and reported back that things had changed for her.

She said she’s meeting more quality men and that with her new understanding of how men thing and what they really want, the commitment issue pretty much a non-issue.

So, let’s dig a little deeper into what men really want.

Here is an email I received recently from a woman who follows my blogs about dating after 40.

Hi Suzy,

I’m recently divorced after being married for 17 years. I have been dating for about 4 months.

To my surprise, I met a man 6 weeks ago that I really liked. On our first date we went to dinner and he said he had a great time and would call me the following week.

Right after our date I sent him an email telling him I looked forward to seeing him again. He didn’t answer the email but I thought that was okay.

When he didn’t call the following week I called him and invited him to a concert that I happened to have 2 tickets for. He went with me we had a great time and again he said he’d call.

A week had gone by and I still had not heard from him.

So I decided to invite him for a home cooked meal, which he graciously accepted.

We had a wonderful evening and in fact, he stayed the night. We definitely have great chemistry. Again, he said he would call me, but he never has.

I have sent him emails and text messages and left messages on his cell phone but he has never responded to any of my attempts to reach him. It’s like he just disappeared.

I’m totally confused, what can I do to get him to call me.

Thanks,

Patty

Here is my reply to Patty:

Hi Patty,

Sounds like common guy behavior. Trust me you’re not the only women left wondering why this man is not calling.

But based on what you are telling me here’s the problem. You became the hunter; you took over his role as the pursuer.

This man did not feel challenged with regard to connecting and having a relationship with you. You were doing all the work (and that usually back fires).

Bottom line, to keep a man interested you need to let him chase you.

Even in today’s modern world where woman are more independent and totally take care of themselves, men still want you to know that they are needed (the hunter) and you are the hunted.

Your part is to let a guy do his guy thing and take the lead in the dating game.

In plain language, you don’t call, text or invite any man until you know you are in a solid relationship.

If I guy doesn’t call like he said he would, then let it go and move on.

A woman who truly understands this about a man and plays her role as the hunted is the kind of woman a man adores. It’s the thrill of the chase that keeps a man intrigued.

Patty, my advice is to consider this situation as a lesson well learned. There is nothing you can do to change what happened with this man. It is clearly over.

Now it’s time to move on with your life using this experience as a reminder…to let the man be the pursuer. But you need to learn how to ‘let him take the lead’ in the proper way.

Take care,

Suzy

Are you still not convinced about what men really want from a woman?

Then let’s look at India’s situation that she talked about in her email. India is the woman that I mentioned at the beginning of this email.

Hi Suzy,
I met my BF about 23 months ago. We’ve been together now for about 19 months. From the beginning I made it clear that I wanted a relationship that would lead to marriage at some point. I also shared that I would not be with a man for 3 years or so without engagement.

He claims to have a two year rule where he will not get engaged before two years. Well we are 5 months shy of the two year mark and many people have been asking him so when is he going to give me a ring. He finally admitted to me that he is fearful of commitment.

He told me that he is not ready for it right now and understands if I feel I need to leave him to pursue marriage. He said he’s happy with where we are now and if it could stay as is “for now” he would be happy. He talked about seeing a counselor to help him with his fear which gave me hope.

I shared with him that given he has broken up his previous relationships that there is a pattern here and for his own sake he should deal with this fear. He has been single for 20 years after a very bad divorce by an unfaithful wife. He’s had several serious relationships, one engagement, but no marriage since the divorce.

He is everything I want in a man so I’m holding on for now but how do I continue with the relationship, give him time to address this issue and not pressure him but yet get across that I will not be waiting for ever.

For the record, believe it or not we have not been sexual and he has been faithful. We are committed to our faith and that has helped us to be strong.

Thanks, India

Here is my feedback for India:

Hi India,

I’m so sorry for the situation you find yourself in.

Your question to me: “How do I continue with the relationship, give him time to address this issue and not pressure him but yet get across that I will not be waiting for ever.”

There is a two word answer to your question.

The answer is ‘You Can’t’ You can’t not pressure him and yet get the message across to him that you will not be waiting for ever.

Let me explain.

It appears you went into this relationship thinking he would commit even though you knew he’s not committed to any woman for 20 years.

You must have thought that since you told him upfront that you were setting boundaries for how long you would wait until he would commit to marriage… that it would cause him to change.

Now you’re 23 months into this and he admits he’s happy with the way things are and is just not ready for a committed relationship.

But you do not want to believe him even though he told you he would understand if you need to move on in your life.

You have only two choices.

You either accept things the way they are without any expectation of him to change his mind. In other words, you stay with him knowing full and well he does not intend to marry you.

Or you move on in your life.

Your pain and suffering are the result of you not wanting to accept the fact that he will never marry you.

By staying in this relationship for this long, you are in fact saying, that you will wait forever.

As time goes by you will find yourself pressuring him because you are so unhappy that he won’t or can’t commit.

When this happens the relationship will end and you will be angry that you waited for nothing and wasted precious years.

My advice is to start working on letting this relationship go and learn the hard lesson from this experience so you won’t have to go through it again.

The best if luck to you,

Suzy

So what are the lessons we can take away from India’s situation?

One lesson is thinking you can get a man to change from being a commitment phobe to marrying you.

When a man has a long history of not being able to commit to a relationship (as in the case of India’s boyfriend) realize that he’s not going to change and you need to be okay with that arrangement.

But the biggest lesson is not to place a value on your time.

Think of it this way, being single after the age of 40 each year is like dog years.

In dog years every year is like 7 human years.

When you are in your 20′s time is not so much of an issue.

However, after 35 or 40 time is not on your side.

You don’t want to wake up one day and realize that you just spent 5 years in a relationship that wasn’t going anywhere.

I’m not discounting that if you learn how to help a man move through his fear of commitment (as I mentioned above) that he can’t change…but even so, you have to place a value on how much time you can afford to give him.

And lastly, get very clear about how long you’re willing to wait for a man to commit and to be willing to walk away when it’s not happening.

Once you really understand ‘What Men Really Want‘ finding a quality man is so much easier!

One last thing I would like for you to do…

Join The Community of Women on my Facebook page by sharing your thoughts and experience What Man Really Want.

Tell me what you think about both Patty’s and India’s situation. Do you agree or disagree with my recommendations? Love to hear your thoughts.

Hugs,

Suzy Weiss, Dating Coach For Women

Hang In There Baby!

Have you ever met a woman that loved going through her divorce?

Neither have I.

Why?

Because going through a divorce brings up financial fears, feelings of isolation and can feel like you are on an emotional roller coaster.

But for women moving on after a divorce, meaning focusing on the next chapter in their life as positive, helps them not stay stuck in the yuck, so to speak.

For many women as they look back they realize that their divorce was the best thing that ever happened to them.

However, if you are newly divorced it is hard to believe that someday you may be thankful for your split.

The key is to keep putting one foot in front of the other as you begin to build your new life.


You want to discipline yourself to keep your focus on the present, not the past.

It’s like you’re at a fork in the road and it’s your choice to make the decision to move on or stay stuck in the past.

Which direction have you chosen?

What I know for sure is…

Women moving on after divorce most often find the ideal mate and are happier than they had ever been in the past.

That’s why they can look back on their failed marriage and be grateful it happened.

Now I must warn you there is a fine line between taking the time you need to heal and actually moving on and dating after a divorce.

It’s not a one size fits all answer.

There is no formula that says by this date you should be over you divorce.

Everyone is different and needs to do what is right for them.

Sadly, for some women they have so much resistance to what has happened to their life since their breakup that they stay stuck in that place of misery.

Of course it takes courage and motivation to get back out there and build a new life.

Change is never easy, but what is worse than change, is not to change.

Start with baby steps as you begin to feel your way through what may feel like a maze.


Sometimes in the early stages of discovering the new you, a women’s support group can give you the courage to take the first step toward a rewarding future.

If you are single mom, it is important that you take care of your health and well being so you can be there for your children.

Don’t isolate yourself, stay in touch with friends and find ways to meet new friends by getting involved with things you enjoy doing.

Yoga classes and meditation can help you through the tough times when you feel scared and out of balance with life.

Women moving on after divorce accept the fact that their life is not what it used to be.

They work on forgiveness and self love.

Guilt and blame will only keep you stuck and miserable, and who wants that?

Just think onward and upward and soon you’re life will unfold just the way you want it to.

Hugs,

Suzy Weiss

He Didn't Call, Again!!!

Once You Do This… There Is Not Turning Back.

We Return To Part 5 Of: Why Didn’t He Call

I know, we don’t live in a perfect world and we do things all the time that we regret latter, but that’s just part of living life.

However, when you do this, it often happens unconsciously.

You don’t realize that you just rang a bell, and it can’t be un-rung.

You’ll find it’s difficult to talk about this, and you often end up second guessing yourself.

The fact of the matter is millions of women do this every day. But once you’ve done it, you can’t take it back.

The consequences are not clear in the beginning when you make your decision.

But when your heart is broken and you realize you won’t even get a second chance, the outcome of your action sets in


In other words, when you do this, there are no do over’s.

Today, we are going to delve into a very important topic…yet the least understood by most women.

And, it’s even more confusing for women who are re-entering the world of dating after a divorce or becoming a widow.

The least understood and most confusing issue for women is…

When to have sex?

The fact of life is, you can’t tell other people what to do.

There’s lots of information out there about when to have sex.

It is often done as a preventive measure to spare you from getting hurt.

Related:
The Real Reasons: Why Men Don’t Call  (1 of 5)

My goal today is to just give you another perspective, and a deeper understanding of when to have sex.

Not to save you from getting hurt, but to help you feel surer of yourself when up against this issue of: When to have sex.

Whether you have been actively dating, seldom dating or haven’t started dating I know this question is probably on your mind, or at least in the back of your mind.

Let’s begin exploring the different dating situations that will cause you to deal with the decision of when to have sex.

Maybe this has happened to you.

You are out on a first date with a guy you met online. You have exchanged several emails and spoken on the phone a few times and have gotten to know a little bit about each other.

You meet for a casual dinner at a popular restaurant.

You seem to hit it off. Unlike your other experiences of meeting men online, he actually looks better than his profile photo.

The conversation flows easily, he’s got a great sense of humor and you both seem to really be hitting it off.

Related:
Why He Stopped Calling : # 3 Main Reason (3 of 5)

As he’s paying the tab for dinner he says: ‘Hey it’s still early, let’s go have a drink at my place, I live just a few blocks from here.’

You go into decision making mode. You think, I really like him but if I go to his place he may be thinking that means I’m willing to have sex and I don’t want to do that on the first date.

On the other hand if I turn him down he may think I’m not interested in him.

Another scenario is you have been dating a guy for 3 weeks. You see each other a couple times a week.

He has been pushing to have sex, and so far you’ve been able to hold him off.

But tonight he’s making you dinner at his house and you know what he will be expecting for dessert.

You really like this man and could envision you and him in a long term relationship.

You think to yourself, ‘if we have sex tonight, it will move our relationship to a more committed and deeper level.’

And that’s really what you want, isn’t it?

Now let’s dig down even deeper into this delicate issue of when to have sex.

We need to understand how women view sex versus how men view sex.

After a woman has sex with a man, she actually has a biological reaction. Her hormones kick in and trigger her emotions and she now believes…


He’s mine, I’m his and she starts dreaming about their wonderful life they will have together.

She now feels a much deeper connection to him than she did before they had sex.

Men on the other hand do not experience that hormone shift.

Related:
Why He Disappeared: When Men Stop Calling – Reason (4 of 5)

Men don’t feel any differently in terms of their emotions than they did before having sex.

They may think it was great sex, okay sex or not so great sex, but that’s about as far as it goes in terms of his thoughts or feelings after sex.

But we women assume that he is feeling what we’re feeling…

However the reality is he is not feeling what you’re feeling and he is clueless to what you’re thinking.

He couldn’t even fathom why you would feel this sense of closeness and commitment.

For him it was just a night of sex. For you it was one step closer to happily ever after.

So if you have had the experience of a man not calling after having sex, you now know that sex is not what will keep a guy around and interested.

Keep reading and you’ll learn more about this interesting dilemma.

Why Men Disappear

But first here’s the rest of the story as to why he may disappear at some point after having sex with you.

In the game of love and romance, men are the hunters and women are the hunted.

A guy is challenged by the thrill of the chase. He’ll keep chasing until he wins and gets the prize.

The prize of course ,is getting you between the sheets.

But once a hunter bags his game, he moves on to another challenge.

So if you cut the thrill of the chase short… by hopping in the sack early on with a guy, he’ll start looking for someone new to chase.

So here’s the cosmic joke…

You’ve been afraid if you don’t have sex, he will lose interest in you and go away.

But the reality is,, it’s just the opposite of what you thought was true.

By having sex too soon he most likely will lose interest in you and move on to other challenges.

So what’s the answer to the question of when to have sex?

Drum roll please…

If your goal with him is to have a long term relationship then you don’t have sex until you know that you and he are in a serious and committed relationship.

Hold on, I hear you saying… ‘a guys never going to wait that long’.

Listen up…I said, don’t have sex.

I did not say don’t be affectionate. You can have some pretty heated smooching and fooling around without the sex,, and you should.

That keeps him hopeful and challenged that sex is just around the corner. ‘Commitment corner…’ but that’s just between us girls.

And remember when you meet your potential Mr. Right, it can move pretty quickly into a committed relationship.

When you wait to have sex until you are certain you are in a committed relationship it separates the men from the boys so to speak.

In other words it will weed out the guys who just want sex, and leave you with the men who are worth your time and attention

You will not longer waste time thinking you’re in a committed relationship because you are having sex, only to discover one day he just vanishes looking for new challenges.

Hope this helps take the confusion out of this important question and gives you more confidence about the delicate subject of…When to have sex?

Hugs,

Suzy Weiss

P.S. Brad Womack: Here’s a guy that has made the art of disappearing a national past time.

Sometimes A Good Coach Is All You Need.

If you are a woman who is dating over 40 and divorced you are probably re-entering the dating world after being out of it for many years.

That is why a dating coach for women over 40 would be of great value to you as you begin to build your new life as a single woman.

Think about it, what you wanted in a guy and who you dated in your 20′s is far different from what you are looking for at this stage of your life.

But this is not easy to sort out because there are many factors that go into finding and meet quality men the second time around.

You don’t want to use the trial and error method. This strategy is basically, try this approach or try that idea and see what happens.

Believe me that approach is so frustrating and unsuccessful that soon you will just give up on the whole idea of dating and resign yourself to spending the rest of your live without a partner.

Using an online dating coach for your love life is no different than using a financial adviser to help you with your finances.

Your love life and finding a fulfilling relationship is as important as your investments and financial security because both are central to living a satisfying and happy life.

So now the question you might ask is: What qualifications and experience should you look for in a selecting one of the thousands of dating coaches out there?

Naturally you would want someone you can trust and you respect as an experienced professional.

But to help you get a clearer vision here are 3 fundamental tips of what to look for in a dating coach for women after 40.

Tip # 1: Male vs Female Dating Coaches

Sometime women want a man’s perspective and other times you want to the perspective of someone who has walked in you high heels (a woman that is a dating coach).

If the latter is the case for you, find a female dating coach who is focused on your life situation (divorced women who are over 40)

Since you are divorced you will want a female coach who went though her own successful search for Mr. Right.

Nothing is more valuable than a coach that has gone through the experience of divorce versus a coach who thinks she understands the issues around divorce (or being over 40) but has not had the actual experience herself.

The reason you want a female coach is because she is tuned into the females’ psyche, emotions, needs and blind spots and can more effectively lead you through the twists and turns of successfully dating over 40.

Tip # 2: A Good Coach Will Help You Uncover Your Core Values

Look for a dating coach whose coaching includes working with you to get clear on your values, deal breakers and emotional needs.

A good relationship coach will have the experience to help you be realistic, but at the same time not settle for less than you desire in a partner.

An experienced coach can take you through a process that will help you get a clear understanding of the characteristics and values that a potential partner would need to have to best match your needs.

After working with a coach many women discover that what they thought they wanted in a partner in reality was not what they really needed to have in a partner.

Through the dating coaching process, the truth is revealed and that is key in finding your one and only.

Tip # 3: You Want A Coach That Knows How To Date Other Than Online Dating

Get a dating coach that does not necessarily push online dating.

You want a coach with substance and experience in how to meet men in more natural ways.

You want a dating coach that has a strategy and process that takes you step by step toward finding your Mr. Right.

Dating is no different than anything you do in your life that is of prime importance to your happiness and well being.

That is why preparing and planning beforehand will have a significant impact on the outcome when dating after divorce.

Granted your friends and family are readily handing out advice to you about dating real men (marriage minded ones).

Although people close to you have the best intentions to help you through this difficult time in your life they don’t have the expertise and insight that you will receive from a dating coach

You will gain incredible value through working with a dating coach especially if you are a woman over 40.

She will help you achieve the self assurance and clarity that you need to have when re-entering the dating scene.

With the support and expertise of a qualified women’s dating coach you will soon be walking hand in hand with your soulmate.

Please share this article with friends by joining the facebook community it.

Hugs,

Suzy Weiss

P.S. According to Google the phrase “dating coach” is searched for over 9,900 times every month.

Google these are the most popular searches for “dating coach” by city and search volume:
“new york dating coach”
“dating coach nyc”
“nyc dating coach”
“ny dating coach”
“dating coach new york”
“dating coach los angeles”
“boston dating coach”
“miami dating coach”
“los angeles dating coach”
“dating coach boston”

P.P.S. Here’s a candid yet humorous look at thee concept of dating coaches.

Are You Waiting For Him To Pick Up The Phone?

This may have happen to you too…

He disappeared and stopped calling.

I received an email recently from a woman who wrote because she was so frustrated and confused about her lack of success with relationships.

You know that feeling.

You feel you know something is not right but you can’t put your finger on it.

You’re friends don’t even understand why you’re still single.

No matter how much you think about dating and relationships and no matter how hard you try, you can’t get a handle on it.

It’s like you’re stuck being single and there seems to be no way out of this dilemma

I think you may relate to this email I received from J. D.

Hi Suzy,

My story is that I am 52 years old and I got divorced almost 14 years ago. I waited for 2 years before dating because I wanted to take the time to adjust to my single life.

Well I’ve been dating for over 12 years and have met more men than I care to remember. And now after all this time I’m still single. I never imagined that I would be this age and not re-married.

I’m always told that I’m attractive I’m social and upbeat and people seem to like to be around me. I have an excellent job and make good money, own my home, drive a nice car, love to travel and have many interests. I’m an independent woman and manage all aspects of my life quite well. So it’s not like I need a man to take care of me.

It seems men in my age range are more interested in younger woman. But I’m not using that as an excuse. I’m so frustrated because I know I must be doing something wrong that is causing men to stop calling. And I’m confused because I can’t figure out what my problem is.

Suzy can you help me?

Thanks,
J.D.

Before I tell you what we discovered through a series of coaching sessions with J.D. (she did not want to use her real name, so J. D. stands for Jane Doe) I want to share some important insights with you.

If you are feeling frustrated and confused like J. D. it’s not your fault. But it is your problem.

You meet a man that you find attractive and interesting and he asks you out for a date.

You think it’s going well but he must not have felt that way because he disappears and stops calling.

And that leaves you clueless wondering what happened.

Maybe you’re two months into dating a nice guy and you begin to think maybe this could go somewhere and then he disappears.

Why He Disappeared?

Now you’re obsessing about what went wrong when men stop calling.

You talk with your girlfriends trying to analyze what happened.

One girlfriend suggests maybe he was intimidated by you and that’s why men withdraw  from you.

Another friend says maybe he wasn’t ready for a serious relationship.

And yet another friend tells you maybe he just wasn’t that into you.

All this leaves you more frustrated and confused with no real answer.

You’re friends and family tell you that they don’t get it.

You’re such a great catch, they can’t understand why you are still single,(and either can you).

You’re attractive, smart and a strong independent woman.

But all you feel is discouraged and at times even hopeless about the whole idea of ever meeting your ideal mate.

Related:
The Real Reasons: Why Men Don’t Call  (1 of 5)

You are successful in your career, you’re a great mom, and you can handle pretty much what ever life throws your way.

Oops, maybe a clue just popped into the foreground.

Let’s go back and look at what was revealed during the coaching sessions with J. D.

Although J. D. was totally competent at running her life, she had failed to realize that she needed to switch gears with the men she was dating.

True J. D. is a smart strong independent woman, and men do respect that in a woman.

But, men don’t want the strong, independent characteristic of a woman to show up in their romantic relationships with her.

Men just want to have a relationship with the soft feminine side of a woman. That’s what allows a man to fully own his manhood.

Related:
Why Guys Don’t Call: # 2 Real Reason (2 of 5)

So even though you may be used to making decisions and are respected for your knowledge and competency in your business world, you don’t want to show up with this same behavior on dates.

So what J. D. and I worked on was balancing her independent, strong attributes with her natural feminine qualities. And that’s when the ‘switching gears’ came into play.

Actually, it’s just switching roles. Just like you switch into mommy role, daughter role, friend role, you switch into your ‘feminine dating role’.

You may be rejecting this idea just a bit and wonder why you should have to switch roles. Men don’t seem to switch roles.

Well there is very good reason to do this and I think that it will help you see the wisdom of this idea by understanding what ‘real men’ want in a relationship.

First of all a ‘real man’ is a good guy. He’s the kind of man you want to be in a long term relationship with.

Real men want to please you. They are motivated to do the things that make you happy. When you’re happy they’re happy.

Quite simply, a real man wants to feel needed and appreciated by the female in his life.

He wants to be appreciated for his skill to fix things and solve problems.

Men see themselves of problem solvers.

He wants to be valued for his ability to protect and care for his family.

Related:
Why He Stopped Calling : # 3 Main Reason (3 of 5)

He needs to feel nurtured and cared for by you. The only place a man can feel this is with his female partner.

A man’s emotional needs go back to primitive times when a man’s value was based on his hunting skills and how well he could take care of the survival of his family.


Nothing much has changed for the modern man in terms of his need to be acknowledged for his ‘maleness’. And that’s communicated from you to him by showing up as the natural feminine caring woman that you are.

So even though you may be a woman who can change her own flat tire and can stop the faucet from leaking and can build an excellent campfire when camping and the list goes on.

You just need to chill and let your man take charge without even a suggestion from you.

When you’re in dating mode, let the guy take the lead. Let him pick the restaurant to you rather than saying, you have a better idea.

Wait for him to open the car door or any other door for that matter.

Let your nurturing side show and your sexy feminine attributes be seen. Like flirting and wearing an alluring feminine dress (as opposed to business attire on a date).

Remember you are in your role as a female when dating. It’s not important to compete or argue about his thoughts or ideas. It not going to do anything positive and probably will be a turn off for him.

If you and he do not have the same core values then just allow that to be the case and move on without the need to confront him.

If you switch gears and move into the female dating role to engage with your dates, you will have a very positive experience and will no longer be frustrated or confused about why he stopped calling.

Hugs,

Suzy Weiss