Dating Mistakes Women Make – 3 Things That Will Kill Dating Success

by suzy

Under the category of dating mistakes divorced women make:

Dating Mistakes Women Make Clingy 11 300x224 Dating Mistakes Women Make   3 Things That Will Kill Dating SuccessI’ve got a question for you.

Are you a divorced woman that would like to skip the dating game but still find a relationship?

Is that you?

So when you have more than a couple dates with a man are you highly motivated to make it work so you won’t have to deal with dating?

Ok, for those of you who have answered yes let’s talk.

You see if this is your mind set then you are at risk to make a big dating blunder.

You become clingy and overly pleasing by always saying yes and always being available.

Actress Kate Walsh Demonstrates ‘Too Available’ – Don’t Let This Happen To You

 

So here is how to avoid this big dating blunder:

Dating Mistake Number 1

Never initiate calling the guy in the first few months of dating him.

It comes across as being overly interested which is unattractive to a man when you are still in the early stages of getting to know each other.

If you find yourself sitting by the phone willing it to ring and praying please be him

Get A Grip.

Grab your jacket and go for a long walk until you get back in control of your emotions.

Some times when you are at home and he calls, let it go to your voicemail.

If you are always breathlessly waiting for his call and answer it on the first ring he will be turned off.

A guy is intrigued with the challenge of getting a woman interested in him.

Sometimes when there is no challenge for a man and the relationship comes to him too easily and too quickly, he becomes bored and uninterested.

And then what happens?

 Dating Mistakes Women Make   3 Things That Will Kill Dating Success

He disappears and stops calling.

Or he says he will call and never does.

Then you are wondering what happened?

And what to do when he stops calling?

You start to ask yourself, “Should I call him?”

Or, “Should I call this man or wait?”

You have blown it.

This relationship belongs in intensive care but this guy has gone AWOL and any hope of rescuing it have gone out the window because he lost interest.

Have you experienced this?

Dating Mistake Number 2

When he asks you out do not always say yes?

Repeat this mantra.

Happy plus Busy plus Active equals Attractive.

H + B + A = Attractive, is the formula for dating and relationship success.

If you don’t have much of anything going on in your life other than him, well that may appear to him over time, as boring.

On the other hand, if you are actively engaged in life and he can see a way for him to be a part of it, then you both have romantic possibilities.


Don’t confuse this with the professional woman that has her life ‘handled’ in all areas except the man and relationship department.

Most of the time with these ladies, the man can see no future for him.

There is no job for him, he can see no role that he can play in your life.

But that’s a different dating problem and one I will cover in greater detail in a future post.

So, back to being ‘overly available’ for him, if dating you feels too easy and accessible for your man you are courting dating disaster.

So, even if you are available and will just be staying home watching TV don’t be too quick to get together.

In fact if you tend toward the clingy type behavior then you must force yourself to make plans with your friends and stay a little extra busy.

That way you won’t be tempted to always be available for him.

And most important never, ever under any circumstances cancel another plan to be with him instead.

Dating Mistake Number 3
facebook group ladies image ad square Dating Mistakes Women Make   3 Things That Will Kill Dating Success
Never say yes to a last minute date.

Rule of thumb, always require at least 3 days advance notice for you to accept a date.

This is a balancing act.

Too hard to get, he will give up on you.

I you are too easy, assessable and available and ready to be a part of his life, he will lose interest and look else where for excitement.

So, tell me which of the 3 ‘deadly dating mistakes’ have you had the biggest challenge with?

Leave me a comment below.

Suzy

P.S. Although Private Practice’s Kate Walsh seems to have it all, money, fame, beauty, she is still alone and lonely after divorce. Check out her story, Kate Walsh Is Still Hoping and Looking For Mr Right“.


 Dating Mistakes Women Make   3 Things That Will Kill Dating Success

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{ 20 comments }

UNKNOWN February 25, 2012 at 4:13 PM

hi Suzy! here is my situation I met this guy in end of Jan 2012, he is 2hrs and 30 min far from me.
Through the dating site we exchanged numbers and started taking on phone for hours. He called me every day once or twice if i didn’t answer he left me a voicemail. (note we had not meet in person yet)but l like to talking with him on the phone, then we decided to meet FEB. 2nd We met for lunch and then watched a movie. He started kissing me and allowed him to because i really like him. he He said he likes me to( he give me compliments like he likes my dimple, my smile, my eyes, he like the way i kiss etc) We kissed in the move theater all time we didn’t watch the movie we just kissed. LOL!! After the movie we walked out and he asked me if i wanna have some coffee, so we had coffee and we talked.

After he called me and said he really likes me, we text sometime or call and talk on the phone. We decided to meet again and he give me a gift for Valentines Day. NOTE: this time he wanedt me to meet him in the hotel, in the other city which located half way between him and me. He said he meet some clients there so i said yes. We ended up having sex but we both enjoy it.

My point is both of the times we met were on weekdays not on the weekend. Both of the times we scheduled to meet on the weekend but he changed it to meet me weekdays.The day we met the second time after having sex we went to dinner and we both headed home. On the way back i text him and said I really had great time and i like him. he replied and said, me to. The next day he called and i didn’t answer. he left me a voicemail and said he missed me and he send me kisses.He still calls me and if don’t answer he leave me a massage and I call him sometimes.

My concern is when i call or text him sometimes he never answers or never replays back very soon. I mean I like this guy very much and I want a long relationship with him. How can I find out if he thinks the same way or if he really like me? wWat should i do? A couple day ago I asked him to have lunch together because I wanted to see him ans see if he is okay. I said that I will drive there to meet him and i want to take him out from lunch.
He replied : u want to i said : yes. Then he said ; i am to far away from you i said :” its okay. He said :i don’t want to put you through that trouble
then i said: OMG its okay i wanna see you then no reply! After 32 min he replied ” Baby give to me”..Any advice, any thing i need to know, i really like this guy. please help

Nora February 25, 2012 at 5:52 PM

Reminds me my story… I also was in love and also forgot and forgave all that ignorance. Spend 2 horrible yrs with him and 1 more year leaving him. Sorry! I dont see any future for you with this man. I would say the same to my daughter who is 27: run, girl, run away, as quick as you can or you will be hurt! Be strong, be proud, dont drive for 2 hrs to get a piece of dry cake – you deserve the whole beautiful life! Bless you!

UNKNOWN February 25, 2012 at 9:24 PM

Thank you!! NORA!

suzy February 25, 2012 at 5:55 PM

Sorry to have to tell you this my friend, but you are not in a good situation. This guy is most likely married or in a long term relationship. That’s why he won’t allow you to come to where he lives. He out for a fling and you’re his victim until he tires of you and kicks you to the curb. If you have been reading my advice than you know that you have done everything I warn against doing. It started with having sex right away and from there it’s downhill. If you want to save yourself from heartbreak than stop seeing him and get on with your life and consider the experience a learning experience. Sorry to be so blunt, but there is now way to change this situation into something positive. I just hope you can hear and be open to what I’m sharing with you. Some life lessons are hard to learn, until we get tired of being hurt.

UNKNOWN February 25, 2012 at 9:23 PM

Thanks for replying so soon !! Yes you’re right, but its to0 soon for him to bring me to his house coz he lives with his parents same for me I cant if even he asked. Other thing he told me that he was in a relationship and has a 7 year old son. But he is on the dating site looking for serious relationship. I understand i should not trust him for this.

How about this. if i keep dating him but no sex with him any more (no string attached). So I can watch how he behaves. Now, I have a little idea of what he is into. Nora and you think same thing I was thinking coz I knew something is wrong. But before I come to a conclusion I want to ask others. You think it’s a good idea to keep dating him to see what kind of person he is? I won’t let him have sex I can see how he acts, if he gets mad or if he is getting nothing from me he will stop calling.

suzy February 26, 2012 at 8:24 AM

You’re wasting your time and putting yourself in a position of getting hurt if you continue to see him. But, sometimes that’s what you have to do to learn a lesson.

Nora October 8, 2011 at 12:04 AM

Dear, Suzy, I finally moved on and finished my very strange relationship with a man who cannot love, hates all women and blamed me for things I never did. I started thinking what is wrong with me and why nothing works. I am 49 and still alone and never even had a good, healthy relationship with a man. I am a woman who loves too much. You know the Secret book so I am working on it and also other books inspired by the Secret: how to be happy, how to love a man. I found out that I cannot imagine any happy moment in my life without a man. I close my eyes and only see some moments with one or another man. Looks like I cannot be happy without a man. I cannot be happy with myself. This is one problem.
Another problem – I do not have my life. I mean I just work and drive home where I read or watch TV or talk to my girls on the phone. I have hobbies but they all are located at home around my arm-chair – nothing active outside… I love animals so I have 2 dogs and love them to death… I keep thinking what I can do if I come home almost dead around 9PM after work and its too late to go anywhere. I have no friends, I have no time, I have nowhere to go and I dont know how to fix this part. About 30 yrs ago I decided that all I need was a man and then I would start full life filled with happiness and joy. 30 yrs passed and I am still alone, unhappy and feeling stupid.
I have to start some changes but dont know how to find time as I really work till late and only have time for shopping and cleaning the house.. I started thinking about giving up and just read books… But I am very sensual, sensitive and romantic, dreaming about being in love. Whats wrong with me? Should I work more hard to save money and visit specialists?

suzy October 8, 2011 at 12:35 PM

Hi Nora, first of all congratulations for ending the unhealthy relationship that you were involved with. That is an important step that you took and you should be proud of yourself for taking the imitative to put an end to it. Okay, so you are still alone at 49 and wondering what’s wrong with you, right? You say you are unhappy and feel stupid. So that is your reality right now. You also have realized you need to make some changes in your life but don’t know how. Well the good news is everything that is not working for you can change and start working for you, but it takes work on your part. It takes getting your priorities in life crystal clear. It takes understanding why your approach to being alone and wanting to be with a man has not worked for you. We have to undo the part that is not working and start to build on what will turn your life around and let you find the healthy relationship you want so bad. It all begins with you and your willingness to do the things that will bring you the happiness you want in your life. If you are sick and tired of trying it your way and are ready to move past all this pain you have in your current situation than I can help you. I want you to get started right now with my video coaching program that is perfect for where you are at in your life, alone at 49. This process will take you through the entire sequense of examining your priorities through a step by step method to change your approach to meeting men and relationships, to finding the healthy relationship and meeting your perfect mate that you so desire to have. The balls in your court, but if you are serious about moving your life forward in a positive direction than go to Dating Over 40 And Finding Mr. Right and sign up.

Hugs,
Suzy

tracey August 21, 2011 at 7:01 PM

guilty as charged :(
thanks for the advice, now I have to learn to do it right

suzy August 22, 2011 at 4:11 PM

Tracey, thanks for your comment. The first step is to become aware of your actions, behavior and attitude when dating after divorce. And the next step is to correct the things that are not working for you. It is not that hard to meet great available men when you understand what works and what doesn’t work and always be alert to make corrections along the way.

jenn April 18, 2011 at 2:56 AM

I went on my first date last week since I was 19yr.s old. I am 37 yr.s old and have been single 5 yr.s. Well I am very sexual attracted to this man and I slept with him date 1. Which I do not have regret or feel any shame. We have had sex 5 different times in the last week Almost immediately I get dressed and leave, I don’t want to seem clingy. I have no exp. with this and have no clue what I am suppose to do. I did stay over the other night and never slept better. And the next time I fell asleep and left a couple hours later. I wasn’t sure if he wanted me to stay. He asked me if I could fall in love with him I said No, I wouldn’t aloud myself to!! I so could fall hard for him. Now I think this is a challenge to him. Does he want more or is this just a game?

suzy April 18, 2011 at 6:33 PM

Hi Jenn,
So, I hear that you are confused about what is really going on with him. And reading in-between the lines you seen unsure about what you are doing and where this is going. If you are just looking for sex and nothing else then you should be okay with the situation. But if you are now wishing for something more than just sex you have a problem.
The problem is by not getting very clear upfront about the values and characteristics that you want in a man, you are vulnerable to get involved with the wrong man. If you don’t spend the time preparing yourself for dating after divorce by doing the inner work and putting a dating plan in place to intentionally meet the men that would be best suited to your needs you are at risk for a second failed relationship.
When you leave your dating life to chance as you have done you will always be unsure about what is going on in the relationship. It is like putting a round peg into a square hole. It doesn’t work it is not the right fit and that is where the confusion comes into play. You try to make a relationship work that is totally out of alignment with what you need for a successful relationship.
So my advice is if you don’t want to get hurt stop your involvement with this guy. Put your energy into preparing yourself for a successful dating experience which will lead you to meeting the one.
This may not be what you were hoping to hear but it is the reality of your situation.
You might want to read my recent blog: “How NOT To Keep A Man Interested – Treat Him Like A Rock Star
Take care,
Suzy

Brian April 7, 2011 at 12:24 AM

As a guy, I would just like to provide input.

Suzy brings up a very good point.
“Too hard to get, he will give up on you.”

It’s not like guys have time to play that game forever. Many people think that if the guy will put up with the “hard to get” game for long enough, he’s a keeper. Yet if he is spending time to try and get to know you and you won’t open up, it’s not his burden to try and get to know you more if you’re always trying to be mysterious. Guys will interpret it as being “played”, and they will be turned off.

suzy April 7, 2011 at 11:23 AM

Hi Brian,
Thanks for providing a guys point of view, I really appreciate it!
Your comment definitely speaks to the fact that are always needs to be balance. Common mistakes women make dating over 40 is to be too available or at the other end of the spectrum too hard to get. Or as you mention being too mysterious, which could be viewed as aloof by a man.
The trick is finding the middle ground so a woman is not risking turning a man off when that is not her intention.
Thanks again for your insightful comment,
Suzy

Denise March 5, 2011 at 2:36 PM

I’m seeing a guy who at first would text and call me. Now it seems he doesn’t have time for me. I’m a busy single mother and i find myself waiting for his call or text and being clingy…
Help

suzy March 5, 2011 at 3:22 PM

Hey Denise,
First let me congratulate you for noticing that you are being clingy. Honestly looking at your behavior is the 1st step toward successful dating.
The next step for you is to stop thinking about him and start thinking about you. Remember for the thrill of the chase you need to play a believable role of hard to get.
In fact you need to convince yourself that if he wants to be with you, he will have to fight for your attention. That’s the bottom line of keeping a guy interested in
pursuing you.
If you have lost your chance with him don’t stress over it. There are plenty of other fish in the sea, just don’t stop fishing.
Once you emotionally let him go you will make room for a new man in your life. When that happens just remember men respond
to the thrill of the chase.
Keep in touch and let us know how things work out for you.
Hugs,
Suzy

Vicki Smith October 29, 2010 at 7:44 PM

Suzy, I am experiencing Dating Mistake #3. I have been dating Steve for 4 months. Problem is he drops by my house and wants to take me out to dinner. I have asked him several time to call me before he comes to my home. He doesn’t have a cell phone. He lives a 1/2 mile from my house. He told me that he is a spontaneous type of guy. He has made some progress and a few times he has asked me out 3 days in advance for a date. But, it is not his usual way of dating. Sometimes he IM me on FB and asks me out. So, I have been on FB less often these days. One time, I came home and he had mowed my lawn and even trimmed the lawn. I find him confusing. I know that I need to speak up. I like Steve. Just when I get accustomed to his ways, he changes. I find myself getting angry that the relationship seems to be in his control. I don’t call him and I don’t stop by his house. I sense that I a waiting on him when I need to be more active. I really like your advice so I will not be so available. I am a runner and a group fitness instructor. So, I am active. I just need help to keep Steve but not beome a dog on a leash. Thanks for your advice. Vicki

suzy October 30, 2010 at 5:28 PM

Wow, Vicki you are 4 months into this relationship and now you want him to change his behavior with you. That will be tough to do. You have taught him how to treat you by not setting the ground rules in the first place. You said you find him confusing. Sorry my friend but it is you that’s confused. You have not set and reinforced your boundaries with him so he is just doing what he does and from his point of view there is no problem. But soon his interest will fade because their is no challenge with you.
Remember guys are hooked by the thrill of the chase, but you need to set up the challenges. In your case that would mean no last minute dates. If he wants to see you he better call several days in advance. Why? Because your worth it and that is what keeps these guys intrigued. They love competing for their woman. But Steve does not have to compete for you and that makes his life easy but not exciting.
Vicki. you can try to establish the new rules and see what happens but it just may be too late with Steve. Not to worry if it doesn’t work out. The next guy who is just around the corner will meet the not so available Vicki and the chase will begin and a lesson learned!
Good luck, let me know how it goes,
Hugs,
Suzy

dawn October 23, 2010 at 3:26 PM

Can’t say I too much agree with all this. If ur trying to attract a man who sees women as some onject he looks to to be his form of “excitement” and “entertainment”, like the ham that’s always on a string bein jerked along just outta reach for the hungry dog, then what makes u think u as a woman won’t hafta maintain this game-playin scherade even if this kinda cat-and-mouse chase leads to marriage? If petty tricks like avoidin phone calls and actin uninterested n a man is what wins his heart then u’ll get tired of playin the game and lose and he’ll find the next woman who plays games with him n this way. Find a man that won’t b won over like this bc even if u succeed with the “ultimate prize” bein the ring, he’ll just cheat on u when he gets tired of the “monotony” of married life. Find a man who’s real and n search of a connection, bc when u connect with a man, he’s not gonna sit up there and say “wow we connected emotionally over 1 date. And I called her after it bc I wanted to know more about her and she actually picked up the phone- and consequently I was turned off by her responsiveness.” Cast such a man who says this back into the abyss from whence he came!

suzy October 23, 2010 at 4:53 PM

Hi Dawn,
Like it or not, the reality is everything in life is a game and that’s probably what keeps life challenging and interesting. But how one plays the game is what it’s all about and that includes “The Game of Romance.”
Mistakes women make with men when dating is not understanding how to play the game with balance and compassion. It is not about going to the extreme, but instead finding the middle ground and still keeping life interesting and challenging.
I agree with you, the bottom line is finding a man who is real and in search of connecting with the right woman for him. That’s what it’s all about.
But even when you find the perfect mate you still need to put energy into keeping the relationship challenging, interesting and growing for it to last and continue to flourish.
Fondly,
Suzy

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